i am always full.
Full of energy.
Full of ideas.
Full of shit.
But always full.
i haven't felt empty in so long i often wonder if i am a glutton for life.
i don't mind the idea as there was a time when all i wanted was to end what i thought was an incessant torrent of minutes slowly dripping down a filthy drain that led to a big stinktank full of nothing.
i have dumped that idea for a much more adventurous moment-to-moment embrace of whatever is happening.
i have lists. Lists everywhere! On the desk. In my planner. On the fridge. on the counter. In my head. Does this mean i truly "LIVE" moment-to-moment? In the life of a submissive, yes. It's how i get things done. i do wish there were more time for less planned activity. i adore spontaneous anything and would welcome a sudden leap into the unknown. However, today isn't that kind of day.
One day i'll dump the lists and just "be in the moment".Oh Zen.
For now, i am repaining the bedroom, restaining the wooden ceiling in said bedroom, treating said bedroom for termites (bastards are worse than cockroaches. Let's hope orange oil realy does work). i'm also working on DESIRE registration (get it in if you haven't already, we are already almost at 40 registrations and we only take 100!), completing forms for student loans (yikes!) writing essays for scholarships (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease) gearing up for the possibility that i'll have to repaint the interior of Her house in less than two weeks so that new flooring can be installed throughout (nice bamboo laminate the dogs can slide on!) AND we're going to go to SLWC and then Utah for three days to visit my family followed by a quick trip to Seattle so that we can party with midori at her Bang for the Buck AidsLifecycle fundraiser (i hope i spelled that right). We LOVE that fundraiser and support it with our presence as well as a DESIRE registration.
Ma'am is in Florida so i have a little time to get said bedroom all done. It's a JOB to do all i am doing but i love it.
i love the sweat. i love the muscle pain. i love the way Her eyes light up when i have done something pleasing for Her that She doesn't know i have done (this is a suprise for Her *grin*).
Happy New Year everyone!
p.s. i got a 4.0 last semester!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Being full... you'd almost think i was manic tonight
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blunami- January 9th, 22:36
energetic
2009-01-10 05:53 pm (UTC)
AND considering the "...there was a time when all i wanted was to end what i thought was an incessant torrent of minutes slowly dripping down a filthy drain that led to a big stinktank full of nothing." i've never heard a more apt description for depression in my life. Thank you for sharing that with me/others -- you nailed it on the head and it's always good to know that one isn't alone in having felt that pain before. *bows head toward you, hands in prayer*
OMG! i am soooo excited that you and O will be at SWLC. See you there!
(and i ran into another '08 Desire attendee last weekend and was cajoled about not having registered yet! lol, told her we'd definitely be there in '09!)
2009-01-10 10:12 pm (UTC)
May this new year bring you even more fulfillent, joy and love.
Respectfully,
~ Pug *snortle
2009-01-13 12:13 am (UTC)
I feel you on the lists. I feel a bit overwhelmed by all the lists, actually. You are an inspiration, dear. Thank you.
I look forward to seeing you at SWLC!!
2009-01-13 03:40 am (UTC)
Bwah ha ha!