blunami

It is not so often anymore that i pause to relish the act of serving. i am a 24/7 boislave. i resisted the use of the word slave for years for many reasons:

1. As i began exploring service/submission i refused to be what "i" thought a "slave" was, so utterly subserviant, so voiceless, so "weak". Little did i know or understand.

2. i did not find the need to be anything other than a boi. It is my core.

3. She had a slave and did not need another. Besides a handful of a boi was quite enought.

4. slave still tasted bad in my mouth. History and my white, small town education made the word feel ugly, slimy, and degrading.

5. At the time i was the owner of my will. It was free. It was MINE. And i wanted to keep it that way.

In the five yrs since She placed a permanant collar on my neck and called me Hers i have learned a few things.

You CAN harness the wind. It's done all the time with windmills. Her windmill is a nice peice of chain with a black padlock on it. It fits well, hasn't rusted yet, and harnessess an energy that many have tried but NONE could harness before Her.

The word slave can mean and does mean many MANY different things. It is not up to me to decide what or how anyone defines the word for themselves. My working definition is "the human property of Her to be used when, how, where, and why She wishes." Do i still have a "will"? Yes. Do i desire to release it? Yes. To Her? After it has been gone over by my HGA (Holy Guardian Angel). It makes sense that my spiritual life should be just a breath above my surrender to Her. For it is in the surrender to what is Higher that i can indeed surrender to Her my all.

And so today i am called by Her a boislave. i live and have lived for a while now, the life of a slave as She defines it. i am Hers. i am owned and operated by Her. i live for Her pleasures and desires. i make myself a better human not only so that i am a better human but so that i am a better human for and with Her.

The day after Folsom we will celebrate our official 5 yr collaring anniversary. It is a precious day for U/us. W/we had never intended things to be as they are, which is why it is so beautiful. Five years ago W/we agree'd i would be Her VERY part time submissive, that i would have a freedom to live my sexual life as i was and as i wanted and that it would NOT be part of what i had with Her. That changed and evolved to the place where i now sit, in a silent office in Her house, wearing Her collar as well as Her ring on "the finger". i am not allowed nor do i desire to service, serve, pleasure, or in any way submit to anyone but Her. i do periodically have the honor of topping another but that is becoming very rare as well. i think i'd miss that more if i had the experience of it as a leather dyke but i have not. Before Her i was a sex top, hard into the scene of dirty but still vanilla sex at clubs. Dirty, hot, racy sex but NOT leather sex. And i was NOT about to spread anything other than my lips in a smile for anyone.

Today i study ardently. i live ardently. i work ardently. i serve with honor, grace, dignity, and respect.

The "boi" sometimes still gets a bit wild. The wind not ALWAYS tamed. She's working on that, as am i.

i am happy.