blunami

It's been a long time since I visited LJ. I always think I'll make it home, yet it doesn't end up being that way often.

I am so busy with life that sitting down and typing just doesn't seem so exciting. Yet, I love to see what is happening in the lives of my family here, I just don't make the time to do it often enough.

And so, here I am again, belated but here.

First to anyone who has sent me messages in the past who knows how many months, please forgive me for ignoring you.It wasn't intentional. I'll catch up....

After an insanely busy summer that started with a kick ass DESIRE and ended with O.'s office being painted a funky shade of blue (yes I picked it, shoulda went darker...)
now we are both in the midst of school again.

My work load is insane this semester but I need to get out of the jc I am in and into University or I'll never ... well anyway.

I am taking honors Anatomy with lab, english 102, algebra (still) and honors spanish 185 (second semester beginners spanish but I forgot what happened last semester...)

I quit my little job on campus because the government gave me a little more grant money in the way of work study. I get paid to work for O. now. Kinda cool.

We have hired a housekeeper. The submissive says NO I CAN DO IT, but the reality is that I can't. Not any more. My first week of school saw me with less than 5 hrs of sleep a night. FIRST WEEK! By December I should be a zombie.

If all goes well I will be slicing cadavers next semester in a special class for good boi's who learn the parts of the body.

For now...
just get through learning those parts.

*sigh*

And with that I go listen to HemiSync (Metamusic... stimulates the brain they say) and meditate before I crash so that I can be up at 5 a.m.

and you?

I turned 35 on Tuesday.
I spent three days prior celebrating, the day of working (with a three hour date that ended in me napping a bit long and standing a LOT at work...sore butt *grin*)
O. managed the most amazing suprise party in the history of all things suprising. She was able to distract me, contact friends, buy stuff, get me to clean the house (super begrudgingly, boi just wanted to be at the beach) and sneak a BUNCH of people all while I was home!
I either need to ramp up my generally well-honed "what is going on?" skills or I trust Her so implicitely that I don't worry about small changes in routine that would normally not occure. Possibly both but in the end I was gifted, and sung to in a most amazing and beam rumbling manner and stuffed to the already overstuff hilt with love, joy and AMAZING cake!
I turned 35 on Tuesday.
And my body today feels a bit sluggish from all the leftover festivities both of food and other senses.
Overall its GOOD to be me. I was able to see friends I love but don't get to see much, I was actually sort of served (almost begrudgingly) by fellow submissive who stuck it out to the bitter end and cleaned up the afterparty which was so AWESOME!!! I didn't have to spend another two days cleaning up the wreckage.
Now I have tunes to buy and starbucks to drink and candles to smell all while reading and working through ethics, pscychology, algebra and speech writing!
It's good to be me! To be a marble playing, t-shirt wearing, beatmeblackandBLU, BOI.
I'm grateful that I have kept breathing and stayed on the right side of the dirt. Once there was a time I didn't want to, and more importantly didn't know if I WOULD stay on this side of the dirt but here I am.....
All dirty *grin* but vertical.

It's tough being me somedays.
Some days it's REALLY tough being me.
Most days I am blessed with this lovely knowing that in the end it's all worth it, the shit, and the joy.
Almost always at the end of the day I can say that.
But some days it's hard.
When the one who raised me, took me in and under her wing and spent the remainder of her decent savings and her healthy years fixing a broken child called to reveal she is sick and going to die of a terminal illness there was nothing I could do but offer my love and my space. Which I did.
Now the one who raised me is indeed making final arrangements, saying goodbyes, rearranging plans, throwing away clothes (you know the fat clothes and the skinny clothes that you save but never use!?)
She is now getting to know me in a different light. The light of my truth and not her ignorance. It's beautiful and sorrowful wrapped in a package of late night chats over tea. Sad. Beautiful.
I'll be more scarce than I have been for a little while as I spend these last days bonding with a woman I would have given almost anything to be close to sooner than this. I'll be spending these next months "making up for lost time" as she puts it and as I wistfully agree.
And what I say to you dear reader is to please please please stop waiting. You will wait until your kissing the ass of the Grim Reaper and there is nothing less pleasant.
Stop waiting.
It's not going to be a good time, ever to love, bond, grow, visit, love, learn, laugh.
F@#$! The people you think you need to impress and spend your energy loving the ones who stand in front of you.
F@#$! Being to busy. It's gonna bite you in the arse soon.
Spend the rest of your life doing the things you love, in the end that's all you'll have.
I really miss my family in the O.T.O and can't wait to be able to show my self more often, and I wll.
In between chats with my Gram and her illness.